I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
