Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
