I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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