i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
