I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
