so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
