it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
