nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
