I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
