Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
