So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
