I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
