You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The uberlube is also flammable
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize