He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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