great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
