Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
