did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
