What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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