Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
