I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
