btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
