If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
