mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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