Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize