so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
3pm strippers are depressing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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