apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
