I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
