Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she told me i tasted like america
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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