The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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