Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
