I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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