dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I just went to clothing optional bar
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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