I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
