ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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