Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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