Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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