Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i think my cat just said my name.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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