it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
