I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
