sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
