his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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