if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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