I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
