i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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