Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i out mim tonsoeep
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
