why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
