I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
