idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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