And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
