I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
