I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
