I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
