Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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