Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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