she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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