you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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