Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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