Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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