I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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