Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
