i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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