you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
