I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
