Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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