I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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