I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
