Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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