he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
