i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
