There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
