He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
